I scare people

I really think I do. I don't mean to. Take today for instance. Now mind you, this isn't the first time this has happened...

I was at the movies today. I got there a little early to get a good seat. I got my favorite spot, middle seat, middle row. As it got closer to time for the movie, more people showed up. At first I overlooked as people went on to different rows, but as the room filled up more I stopped to look around and noticed that every row was at least half full or more, except for mine. I was still the only one on my row, which I would consider the best row. People would walk up the stairs and look up at all the crowed rows then look at my empty row then glance at me then look back up at all the crowed rows then look at me then turn around and try to find something along the bottom. ALONG THE BOTTOM! People would rather crane their necks to see the movie than sit near me in an open row! Finally, a guy with his son sat in my row, only because all the other decent rows were full and his son wanted to sit there, and it wasn't until the room was nearly full until other people sat in my row, all of them guys with their kid and the kid picked the row, yet even then, it seemed to the reluctancy of the parents.
Is it that I look scary? Do I scare people away from me?
Do I have some natural replusion to average people?
It wouldn't bother me if it didn't happen every time I go to the movies by myself, but it DOES happen and I find that kinda odd.
It kinda stinks, to know that people naturaly avoid you for no apparent reason.

Well, it does to me.

blarg

I was gonna post. Really I was. I was gonna post up a fury today. woohoo boy I was. I was steaming mad and ready to vent, but its christmas. I'll vent later.

Merry Christmas.

Look Out! Christmas is right behind you!

Yes, yes, Christmas.
Sneaking up as we speak. Well, Christmas isn't going to get me! I've gotten all my presents. Every gift for everyone that is getting a gift. That means, no traffic, no crowded parking lots, no crowded stores, no racing to get the last thing on the shelf of any interest what so ever. No long LONG check out lines with people arguing and haggling trying to get a discount and then that one person that tries to pay with a check, but didn't get it ready and is writing all slow and talking on the phone, and then the check isn't working...

I'm glad I don't have to deal with any of that. It feels good to have planned ahead and gotten everything down to the...

Oh crap! I forgot wrapping papper! I gotta go!

So this is christmas

I have made no plans for christmas.

None.

I haven't bought any gifts, any cards, made plans, called anybody, or seen what anyones else is doing, and oddly enough, that doesn't bother me this year.

I'm going to be working Christmas eve night and christmas night anyway so I guess I'll just save a taquito for Santa incase he swings by.

About me

You know, I don't really know what people know about me. A friend of mine just recently joined myspace and started out his profile with some interesting things about himself. That inspired me to kinda do the same.
I don't really know where to start so I'll just throw stuff out there. I'm sure more will follow later.

I love Q-tips. I can never NEVER have too many Q-tips. I keep two 500 count boxes on hand in my room and and extra in my trunk.

When it comes to water, I only drink distilled. With one sip, I can tell if water is filtered, distilled, spring, or purified.

I am never organized for more than 7 days. Any level of organization I have reached will fall apart after 1 week.

I like to draw. When I draw characters, I start with the eyes, then the face then the rest of the body.

I've stood 5 feet from an active land mine.

Remember Slobodan Milosevic? I was in his underground bunker.

I love math, but I hate calculas. When dealing with a mathmatical problem, I create this fuzzy 3-dimentional world in my head where logic is present but doesn't really have dominance. I take the problem and kinda throw it into a box, jumble it around in my head, turn it upside down and dump it out. The end result is the answer, and most of the time its right.

I believe that computers do not follow logic. They are sensitive and illogical beings that will act however they please, whenever they please, and computer techs are just smart enough to trick the computer into letting its guard down.

I miss when Saturday mornings were for kids. When you would get up at 6:30 in the morning and watch the last 30 minutes of the Agricultural Weekly news just to make sure you didn't miss one single second of cartoons, then sitting indian style with your bowl of cereal in your lap you would sit there untill 11am when they would switch to The Outdoor South fishing and hunting show, then you would get up, turn the TV off by hand, and actually go play outside.

I doubt that without the Accelerated Reader program, any kid would ever read The Red Badge of Courage.

I love chinese buffet, especially the crab rangoons. If a reasturant does not have good crab rangoons, I will not go there.

If I am given a container of peanuts (salted or dry roasted), I will begin eating them until either all the peanuts are gone or I am ill, whichever comes first.

When leaving my room to go out, I always check for 4 things. Keys, wallet, cell phone, and a since of adventure. If any of those are missing, I will not leave.

I believe there are many levels of dirty when it comes to laundry.

I give more to my friends than myself.

I was silently banned from 4-H.

I am a certified healer.

If you ever want me to wish the most evil of all thoughts upon you, then wake me up by tapping my feet. You'll be luckly not to walk away with a black eye.

My snail has an obsesion with molesting Ernie.

The flower that resides before my door

The flower that resides before my door.
I planted it with my own hands.
Late in the season, it didn't have much time to grow.
It took what little time it was given and made the most of it.
The cold came, but it stood strong.
Pride supporting its stem.
The cold came, but it stood long.
Defiant too the end.
It stood with a lean then a droop then a lay.
It held on to to every last moment yet defiant every day.

Its heart began to slow as the cold took over like a cancer.
You could see it begin to accept, not death, but another, slower, drained, weaker, quieter leg of the journey.
One spent mostly on the sidelines.
Watching as the the other plants turn brown and wither, and dry, and bid farewell to the season that they so enjoyed, but this flower didn't have the time to enjoy the season.
This flower spent every moment of everyday striving to be the best and the brightest and the tallest and the most noteable flower that it could be, and what did that accomplish in the end?
Plucked out of the garden, roots and all.
Cast aside into the grass to die alone and unremembered.
A weed in the eyes to the one that did it such injustice.

Why?

Because it put its heart out for the world to see and had faith.
Blind faith.
Faith in people doing the right thing.
but not all people do what you belive to be right.
Sometimes they just don't know better.
Sometimes, they think they are doing the right thing.
Sometimes, they mistake you for a weed, judging you without the slightest option to defend yourself.

Cold, alone, and dying in the night.
Lost and without hope, I discover my flower laying in the grass just inches from my garden.
I opened my heart to it just as I opened back up the earth from which it was torn, and placed it gently back where it deserved to be within my garden and within my soul.

It is my child.
It was my child from the day I picked it up and chose it to be a part of my life.
The love I have for it is so different. So unique... yet .... detached.
It lies there now in my garden, counting the days until its end.
It doesn't even look at me anymore when I step outside.
It just stares at the ground, because that is all it has the energy to do.
Everyday, giving in to the cancer of winter just a little more until that last shred of hope flickers out and it awates the end,because the end will bring peace, and take the cold away.
I am little more than a lucent memory to my flower these days, though it holds strong in my thoughts.
When I look upon it, I do not see the form that it is now, broken and tired of life.
When I think back upon it, I see the tall, proud, bright and beautiful flower that it fought so hard to be in such little time.
No one really ever noticed this one flower... except for me.
I noticed.

I noticed, because I loved it.
I loved it then and I love it now.
It will always be the most beautiful flower I have ever seen, and after it is gone, it will still bring a smile to my heart.

With a weight tied to each step I take, and a sigh in my breath, I know what it wants from me.
I know it is not happy anymore.
The life and joy drained from it so long ago that to try to conjure the memory only hurts more.
There is little energy for pride these days, but with what little it has left, it looks at me, and with feelings more powerful than any words could convey, we both know its time to let go.

I go inside and retrieve the blade.

I come back outside my front door and take a moment to reflect.

Ever so gently running my fingers along its stem, I think back to its days of beauty and strength, when nothing in the world could stop it.
My fingers reach the base of the stem, and wrap around the bottom for support.
I need support.
I need support but I can't say it. Not now.
I know I have to be the strong one, but its hard.
Its hard but I won't let it show.

A lump in the throat, and a brief race of the heart as the blade takes control!

A sigh is all that escapes the silence...

The long, cold silence.


I step back inside as the cold becomes too much to bare.

cold feet

My feet are cold. I hate when my feet are cold. There are a few things I will admit to not being able to stand to the point of stoping whatever it is I am doing until the issue is resolved and one of those things is my feet being cold. Having that been said, I'll be right back.